Wednesday, 11 September 2013
Mums dementia and physical state continues to decline. Her memory is now becoming extremely difficult to manage words that fall out of her mouth are instantly forgotten so repetition and increased confusion plunge Mum into greater depression and frustration.
Mum has hours of silences when she disappears into a world that only she knows. Those who are around her 24/7 are greeted with suspicion and fear as she doesn't recognise us, it is only with gentle and familiar handling and coaxing that she recognises she is in good hands.
There seems to be marked reduced mobility requiring assistance, her trademark swift shuffling has become a more laboured effort to move her feet one after the other and at times she is moving forward with support and they are stuck to the floor, more apparent with the right leg.
There was some discussion that maybe when Mum had the knock on the head in the bathroom that she may have had a mild stroke and the more I see her problems with walking now the more it seems likely. The only method of confirming was to get Mum to have a Scan and there is no way that is possible as it would cause her more distress and possible injury.
Mums reduced mobility and her legs/feet becoming 'frozen' to the floor has resulted in a number of minor falls with no other injuries.
The combination of memory deterioration and declining mobility has meant that someone has to be around on constant attendance, something my family do not seem to have taken on board.
We are no longer able to nip out if she is refusing to get out of bed as we know she will probably stay there all day. She often needs help getting to the bathroom and sometimes doesn't make it but strongly refuses the convenience of a commode in her room!!
There is still a great deal of fight left in her reserves when she feels she needs to use them to keep her independence, however her ability to make rational decisions concerning her welfare has long gone. The battle continues.
Ok I was told by Nathalie not to be a martyr and to talk and shout if need be.
Yesterday John said I was being 'tetchy'..... (Can't remember what exactly) he wanted to know why. I explained I am exhausted all the time, his solution 'go to the doctor!' I argued that it wasn't a doctor 'thing' I have had the counselling and this is where I am.
This is how I sit every night, dad sleeping and Mum away with the fairies. My desire to go out and socialise has pretty much gone, the life is being sucked out of me. So please excuse me for not being chirpy and talkative and social but I find it hard.
To top it all John said he wants to talk to Dr Mathews as he doesn't feel putting Mum in a home is a good thing. Of course it isn't but he didn't reply when I asked if he was going to move in here.
You both want me to talk.... Maybe it's better when I don't! I am going to sleep now.
I didn't have the energy to have this conversation twice so I sent them both the same text. I am waiting for the fall out. I don't know what they expect from me....... But when there is nothing left who will pick up the pieces?