Howling at the moon.

Howling at the moon was something that used to happen in Kenya there is a time of day around dusk when all the dogs in the neighbourhood used to start howling, they would howl for maybe a minute or two and they would all stop together as if a switch had been flicked off. 

I always thought this was a strange occurrance, then one day after a frustrating day at the project I joined my dog Kim, I went outside into the evening air, threw my head back and howled.  I cant tell you how amazing it was such a release of pressure, I felt amazing afterwards.  It became part of my daily routine, I loved it and so did Kim, not sure the neighbours did but we were in a rural area and they already thought I was the  strange white lady.

Back to here and now......This last week has been a rather fractious one with Mum, she has been very difficult, refusing to eat, get out of bed, dress or basically do anything that would make her life a little better.  Every suggestion has been met with refusal or downright unpleasant responses, I know depression plays a big part in Mums demeanour but her refusal to take ANY medications due to her paranoia makes it extremely difficult for the doctors to treat her.

Last night I was at breaking point and I wanted to howl at the moon, my frustrations were building so much that I thought I would burst.  If only I had the luxury of knowing no one would call the police or lock me up I would have howled, howled until I could howl no more.

This is how I feel caring for my mother, ineffectual and frustrated, even though I have attended various 'Dementia Awareness Courses' and I try and put the thinking into practice I need to howl/scream/cry.  My daughter suggested kickboxing as a release,  I have tried yoga but it just doesnt release the beast inside me that needs to get out before I explode and to top it all my counselling sessions finished last week!

Howling at the moon is something that I am finding increasngly appealing.